Out Loud

1982

Christmas was peering out from its normally forgotten room. Dottie sighed with despair. She wasn’t looking forward to this particular Christmas. Her friends and family were scattered from California to Illinois to New York. Dottie had nobody to share Christmas with.

Still she had outdone herself. A four foot Christmas tree stood in the highest place of honor she could bestow upon it: the living room table. No matter where in the room she sat, the little Christmas tree twinkled it’s happy lights. Shiny garlands draped every doorway. Christmas ornaments hung from chandeliers and windows. Lights twinkled throughout the apartment framing every available opening. Though it was beautiful to look at there was no meaning to be found in the glitter. An empty feeling crept into her heart. Dottie felt very alone.

Always with a ready smile and a Merry Christmas, to the world Dottie appeared to be jolly with the spirit of Christmas. Santa Claus pins, candy cane earrings and little ringing bells adorned her. Outwardly she exuded a happy face but inwardly, the loneliness was overwhelming. Dottie never told a soul how lonely it felt to face the holidays by herself. She put on a happy Christmas face and hid her sadness.

At work they normally drew straws to see who’d be stuck working Christmas Day. She knew that the other two bartenders, Jessie and Polly, had places to go and families to share the holidays with.

Jessie had pulled the short straw the year before and had worked while her husband and son visited family in another state. That had been a miserable Christmas for Jessie. Dottie couldn’t bear to see her friends suffer that way so she offered to work a double shift Christmas Day. Jessie and Polly could be with their families and Dottie would be better off out of the house on Christmas Day.

Dottie spent Christmas Eve opening the presents sent from her far away family as she watched Miracle on 34th Street with her cat. Loneliness engulfed her.

Christmas morning dawned and Dottie pulled herself wearily out of bed. Depression touched every corner of her soul and getting ready for work was a supreme effort of will. She dressed in green pants, a white blouse and tied a red ribbon around her neck. The ribbon felt like a noose.

Dottie couldn’t help but imagine what the rest of the world was doing. Visions tormented her of families sitting cross-legged around the Christmas tree laughing and sharing hugs and kisses and love. Her eyes filled with tears.

She prayed that a few lonely souls would somehow find their way into her bar. She knew that her hopes were empty ones. It was going to be a long twelve hours of trying to look cheery for what she knew would be her only customer: Pat, the dining room waitress. All the hotel guests were back home and the only customers would be families eating Christmas dinner out.

Jessie, one of the bartenders who Dottie was working for, had previously instructed Dottie that there was a present locked in the cupboard for Pat, who’s name Jessie had drawn from the hat.

In the cupboard stood a tiny Christmas tree next to a box full of presents, all gift-wrapped with colorful paper and ribbons and bows. Jessie sure had gone all out for Pat. Dottie took the tree and the presents out of the cupboard and found to her greatest surprise that the tree had her name on it! The tree was a foot tall, twinkling with lights and sporting a yellow star on top.

She took a closer look at the box full of presents. The first one had Pat’s name on it but all the rest were for Dottie! Awe and wonder danced across her face. For her? They’d done all this for her?

Tears filled Dottie’s eyes and spilled down her cheeks. She put the tree on the bar and arranged all the presents around it. Jessie and Polly had been so grateful that she’d volunteered to work that they’d engineered a surprise visit from Santa.

That little tree became huge in Dottie’s eyes. It became the symbol of the true Spirit of Christmas. Dottie could feel their warmth and their love embracing her as she sat spellbound watching the lights blinking on the tree. Tears of despair turned into tears of joy. This is what Christmas was all about: the warmth, the caring, the thoughtfulness, the sharing between people, not of presents, but of themselves. It was a piece of Jessie’s heart and Polly’s heart warming the bar all around the tree, chasing Dottie’s loneliness away.

Suddenly Dottie didn’t feel so alone. Their friendship had reached out into the lonely bar and lit it up with joy. This was the real Christmas, the Christmas that gets lost amid the hustle and bustle of parties, the mountains of presents, the hoards of food and the glitter of tinsel.

It touched Dottie deeply that they’d thought of her there all alone and she realized that she wasn’t really alone after all. Jessie and Polly had filled her Christmas with their outpouring of love. For years after, whenever she put up the little Christmas tree, Dottie remembered her friends at work who had given her the most wonderful gift of all
– The Spirit of Christmas.

To Jessie and Polly wherever you are, almost thirty years later I still remember what you did for me, and it still makes me cry. Thank you!