Archive for July, 2009

A Slingshot in Heaven

July 17, 2009

My built-in antennae went up. There was a secret, a big one. My parents were whispering together at the front window. My Mom, her forehead creased with worry and Dad with an angry frown were huddled together in frantic conversation. Mom kept looking out the window. Something was going on, something big, and I wanted to see. I ran upstairs to look out from a higher perch. Big secrets never included me.

There was a huge house in the middle of the street. It didn’t look anything like our house or any of our neighbor’s houses. This was an inner city house, a shabby profusion of wood that looked very out of place in our middle-class neighborhood. It was tall and narrow and seemed to lean. The scarcity of windows and peeling grey paint added to its severe appearance, giving it a destitute look. It was moving down the street at a snail’s pace. It’s final destination was the empty lot at the end of our street.

Pine Valley Way was a pleasant dead end street. Many of the houses had natural stone porches and a congenial air. They were houses that invited neighbors for an friendly chat, not like this forbidding house that looked very unapproachable. I got the distinct feeling of unfriendly eyes watching from the narrow windows. Ours was a small neighborhood where everyone knew everyone, friendliness abounded and traditional families made their home: traditional as in two parents, a couple of kids, and no skeletons in the closet or basement or anywhere else. It was a neighborhood of families with hardworking parents and carefree kids who played up and down the street without a worry in the world.

The Calvin family was not a traditional family. If there was a father I never saw him. I remember hearing the word jail in reference to him. I never saw a mother either. The words drunk and race track were whispered about her. I don’t know whether these were rumors or facts. Being a kid such things weren’t important. The only matter of importance was the kids and whether they were potential friends or potential bullies.

The only Calvins I ever saw were eleven year old Deb and her siblings, and there sure were a lot of siblings. I never did quite get their number straight nor learn all of their names. Deb was the oldest, the resident adult in the Calvin household. She could be seen walking up the street with either a laundry basket or a kid riding on her hip, and a crowd of younger kids surrounding her. It was an uncommon sight, this gaggle of unkempt youngsters with dirty faces and snotty noses. Deb appeared to be in charge of cooking, housekeeping, laundry, and the full care of her brothers and sisters. She was eleven years old, the same age as me. She seemed so much older.

The Calvins didn’t have a chance. The neighborhood adults were up in arms because they had knocked a few thousand dollars off our property values with their inner-city house and squalid lifestyle. The boundaries of the city were slowly creeping outward threatening to encompass our middle-class neighborhood. The kids didn’t like them because they were different, not like the rest of us. We called Deb the vampire though I don’t remember why. Maybe their old house conjured up visions of ghosts and goblins and haunts. But the most unpopular of the Calvin clan was Mickey, the second oldest.

Mickey was a rambunctious boy with shaggy blond hair and mischievous blue eyes always searching for an unpopular diversion. My Dad didn’t like him because he swung from our little tree out front and broke it.

Mickey was reputed to steal the bulbs out of the Christmas tree lights that adorned everyone’s front yards in December. The Calvins were the only family that didn’t decorate an outdoor tree. I don’t think Mickey was ever caught in the act but who else could have done such a dastardly deed?

The name Mickey Calvin became synonymous with broken windows, flat tires, dead chipmunks, stolen fruit and other such evil deeds though I’m not sure if the deeds actually happened or existed only as deeds he MIGHT do someday. Our broken tree is the only event I can actually attribute to Mickey because my father saw him do it.

Kids have much shorter memories than adults and before long I became fast friends with the two oldest Calvins, Mickey and Deb. Mickey turned out to be one of the best friends I had. Being a bit strange for a girl I much preferred toads and snakes over dolls and these were a commodity that Mickey could provide in ample quantity. Their house was at the end of the street at the edge of the woods. Trails snaked thru the woods down to a swamp.

Another service that Mickey provided was that of protector. I was small for my age and the bullies liked to pick on me and chase me home from school. That stopped when I made friends with Mickey. Suddenly I could go anywhere without fear of bullies. There was no such protector for Mickey, however.

One day Mickey went down to the swamp with two much older boys. Like Mickey, these boys were not of our ilk. He must have known them from his old neighborhood because they carried guns, an unheard of thing in our neighborhood. Three boys went down into the woods and only two returned. We never saw Mickey again and the neighborhood adults gave a sigh of relief that the terror of the neighborhood would bother us no more.

Whispered rumors said it was an accidental shooting, that one of the guns just went off and shot Mickey straight through the heart while they were walking. Being a kid I never heard the official news version of it, not that it made much difference to Mickey. Dead was dead. The hows and whys and wherefores wouldn’t matter much to him.

I often wonder how many people actually stop to remember this wayward boy with a hint of fondness, of kind remembrance, of wistfulness. Somehow I don’t believe there are very many. But I remember Mickey. He was my friend. And if there’s a heaven I hope he’s in it, with a slingshot in his pocket and a tree to swing from and a swamp to explore.

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Category: Pay It Forward

Guilty Dog

July 17, 2009

I came home late one evening to be greeted at the door by my dog Gypsy Rose. The moment I walked in it was obvious she had been on the sofa. This was illegal. She wasn’t allowed on the sofa and she knew it.

“Evidence.” I said the word and took her to the sofa. She’d heard that word before.

It was late, I was tired, I wanted to get comfortable and go to the bathroom so I did not confront her right then. I headed for the bathroom. She was right behind me but when I went into the bathroom, she kept going right on into the laundry room. That was weird. Gypsy Rose never went into the laundry room.

Once she was in there she didn’t come out again. That’s when I knew we had a seriously guilty dog. She must have done something really awful, something much worse than snoozing on the sofa.

I finished my business and changed my clothes and still she hid out in the laundry room. Uh oh, this was bad. There was only one thing Gypsy Rose could have done that would send her into hiding for this long. Poopie in the house. So I went through the house looking for the evidence, the pile of dog poop. But I couldn’t find one.

Surely I’d missed it. I went through the house again. Nothing. No evidence. No dog poop.

And still she hid out in the laundry room. Maybe she had peed. Gypsy Rose had never peed in the house before but as guilty as she was acting, surely she had done something far worse than snoozing on the sofa. Something right up there with dog poopie in the house.

I took off my shoes and went barefoot looking for a wet spot on the floor. But nope, nothing. No evidence of pee. I was so certain Gypsy Rose must have let loose with something that I went through the house several times searching for evidence. But I found no evidence and still she hid out in the laundry room.

I was utterly baffled. I searched for evidence that maybe she had chewed something. But nope, no evidence of that either. I finally sat down with a midnight snack. Gypsy Rose came slinking out of her hidey hole and laid down, shooting me guilty looks out of the corner of her eye. She was waiting for the bomb to explode. She was waiting for the moment the piper would come claiming his due. She’d done something really awful and she knew it.

But the piper didn’t come calling on her. The piper was too busy wondering what the hell she had done that was so bad that I couldn’t find evidence of. And because I was so busy looking for evidence of something really serious, I neglected to call her out on what I had actually found evidence of: that she’d been snoozing on the sofa.

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Category: Dog Tails of Adventure

70’s Slang of the Hippies

July 16, 2009

Remember the 70’s? It was a continuation of the 60’s generation with love and peace and flower power. Make love, not war. POW/MIA bracelets. We listened to 33 or 45 RPM records on our record players and 78 RPM records were considered old folks music.

Brand new jeans were totally uncool and we went to great lengths to put homemade patches on our jeans, each patch lovingly created like graffiti on the wall. Hip huggers and halter tops were in, letting your belly button all hang out. Hippie was not a derivative of Hiphugger. Boys and girls both had long hair and nobody shaved their head unless they had cooties. Turquoise eyeshadow and booger green nail polish were the norm. Earrings were long and dangly. Disco and Pink Floyd were fighting for supremacy.

The seventies generation was on the edge of innocence and the sexual revolution was still building steam. Knowledge of the world wasn’t as full as it is today. Life was safe. Nobody carried guns to school. Kids walked several blocks to school and nobody worried about their kids getting snatched on the way. You could trick or treat as far as you could walk. Hitchhikers were everywhere. Unlocked doors were common. Neighbors knew each other. Those were good years.

Teen pregnancy was something we whispered about. Pregnant girls often got hidden away until the baby was born and then it was put up for adoption. Divorces were uncommon.

Houses had one phone with a dial pad and it was either in the living room or kitchen. Phones had cords and you couldn’t get far enough away from your parents to actually talk. Most of us had manual typewriters and didn’t know computers existed. Every house had ONE television, it was in the living room and it only got 3 channels plus public television. Public TV was boring. TV went off the air at 2 a.m. and for several hours all you got was noisy static.

Nobody had dishwashers, microwaves or icemakers. Rent was $80 a month. Gas was 50 cents a gallon and you could buy a functional used car for $200. Most gas stations were full service: they pumped your gas, cleaned your windshield and even checked your oil.

People were big hearted and open. Total strangers would open their homes to you if you needed a place to stay. Generosity was the norm. We were riding the Love Train of the Sixties Generation and we called everyone our friend. We had our own 70’s slang.


  • Bippie: A singular body part that once seen became a magnet for men’s eyeballs. Bippies were plentiful in the summer. Nicely shaped bippies were a prized but rare entity. Neglected bippies took on a flattened look. You could even bet on them.

    • “You bet your bippie!”

  • Let it all hang out: Be who you are. Relax.

  • Thongs: Something you wore on your feet. More commonly called flip flops or clots.

  • Cop: Take without permission. Steal. Get.

    • “Hey man, let’s go cop some cigarettes!”

    • “He copped a feel.”

  • The Fuzz: The cops.

  • Boogie:

    • “Let’s boogie.”

    • “Wanna boogie?”

    • “Hey baby…….” (boogie part deleted)

    • “We gotta boogie, man. C’mon!”

      Boogie was one of the most versatile words of the 70’s and parents still haven’t figured out what it meant. One had to look deeper to glean its exact meaning at any given moment. A bobbing head and snapping fingers meant you wanted to boogie standing up. A slow grin and one raised eyebrow meant you wanted to boogie lying down. Furrowed eyebrows and a scrunched up face meant if you weren’t ready to boogie NOW you’d get left behind.


  • Tail: Came only in pieces. Meaning has remained the same throughout three generations.

  • Grits: We knew it was a body part, we just didn’t know which one. Whatever it was, you were supposed to kiss it, but only if the opposite party was stomping mad.

  • Huff: This word has had a radical change in meaning. Today it denotes a snit. In the 70’s it was how you partook of various substances, most of which slipped in under the border.

  • Toke: Something you never did to one of your own. Only done to someone else’s. It metamorphed into the word “drag”.

    • “Gimme a toke, wouldja?”

    • “Can I have a drag off of that?”

  • Drag: Bummer.

  • Bum: If your hand was extended then “bum” was a request made to a smoker by an alleged ex-smoker who claimed to have quit. In reality, he merely quit buying them. If no smokers were involved and everyone was snickering then bum was a body part. It was only used in the context of having been fallen upon painfully.

    • “Can I bum a cigarette?”

    • “Oooh, right on ‘is bum!”

  • Bogart: To keep something longer than your turn and partake of more than your share.

  • ‘Uns: A pair of body parts of large proportions. Always used in conjunction with hand gestures.

  • Ball: Men bragged about having done it with great pride. It was often lied about causing the girl to do their own version of it. Definitely a word of many meanings.

    • “Home run. We balled.”

    • “Afterwards she was balling like a baby!” (Who knew it was supposed to have a W in it? We sure didn’t!)

  • Balls: Only others can proclaim you have them and they do so with awe. Any gender can have them and once proclaimed, they must be proven over and over in order to keep them.

  • Crank: An unmentionable body part.

  • Bang: Something you do with an unmentionable body part.

  • Today’s Teenager: What you begat when you did the above.

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Category: 60's and 70's